Most of us would admit to having had frantic thoughts in the middle of the night while we were pregnant in which we questioned our choice to become parents, or wondered if we would still be the same person after becoming a mom. Those of us who were planning on pursuing careers after childbirth might also have been anxious about whether we would be engaged in our labor as well.

When the singer and songwriter Amanda palmer was pregnant, one fan voiced that concern for her, wondering if Palmer’s career would suffer after she became a mom. She was worried that the artist might not be able to produce songs of the same level. “When you have this baby,” she argued, “either he / she will suffer or your career will suffer”.

In her response via an open letter on Medium, Palmer expressed her own nervousness about her possible “loss of identity as an artist” when she became a mother. She wrote of the concerns that plagued her when she decided to have a child: If I had children, she thought, would I become a boring, irrelevant and ignorable artist? ? Would I suddenly start writing balance songs…? Would I become that annoying person who is so captivated by their child that it is impossible to have a smart conversation with them about art because they prefer to show you iPhone photos of their child drooling? a spoonful of mashed carrots? “

Changing lives

It is undeniable: after childbirth, your priorities change. You change. Different questions take priority at different stages of your life. Life with a newborn is a far cry from life without a child, and life with an adolescent is a far cry from life with a newborn. While your main preoccupation before having children was how to climb the corporate ladder, your most pressing thought after giving birth might be how to do both – climb the ladder and be an involved parent – or even how to get off the ladder completely. . The person you were then is not the person you are now.

Research tells us that a lot of changes happen when we choose to have babies, and that a mother is not the same person she was before she had children. American scientist reported a few years ago that almost all female mammals undergo “fundamental changes” during pregnancy and after birth and that pregnancy and lactation hormones can alter the brain, “increasing the size of neurons in certain areas and producing structural changes in others “.

Other research has shown that a combination of pregnancy hormones and the experience of pregnancy and childbirth improves our memory and learning abilities.

Change priorities

Mothers who were asked if they felt like they had changed all agreed that they had. Photographer and mum Carmen Visser, however, believes that Palmer’s fears are misdirected and her priorities will change after becoming a mom: “During pregnancy you have time to think and fear losing your identity, but once the child there, no time to worry about life, because life is happening. Life with a child is richer, richer than the fear of losing your own identity. ”

Ema, a mother of three boys, agrees: “When I became a mom, I kinda lost ‘me’. Obviously we all need a little time for me from time to time, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Now I am more than “me”. I am a mother. “

Teacher and mom of two, Shereen, says the biggest change she’s experienced since becoming a mom is “the emotional vulnerability you feel. I look at people who have lost children, ”she said,“ and there is such fear and knowledge that the pain of such loss is beyond anything I want to go through. I also have so much more empathy with other people, whereas before the kids I think I was quite emotionally detached. ”

Ema has also experienced this vulnerability since becoming a mother: “I used to watch the TV news or a documentary and see children in pain. Although I felt sadness, there was also a disconnection and an inability to understand exactly what these images represented as a whole. Now every child on the news is my child. Also, I was worried that I would not be popular, or that I would have enough money to buy all the nice things my friends had, or that I could have an exciting and cool vacation. Now my fear is that I will not be able to provide everything my children need. I’m afraid I won’t be able to give them the best possible chance in life. “

Melany, Eden’s mom, said she didn’t want to have children, but then her little one arrived. “When I was 38 my mom, sister and I chatted over a Christmas glass of wine how awesome it would be to have a combination of (my husband) and me running. I threw away my pills, closed my eyes and didn’t look! A year and a half later, Eden arrived. “

“I don’t think the core of who I am has changed. I am still me. I haven’t changed, but I’ve grown. My heart is bigger and it overflows with a spotless, simple and pure love for Eden. It’s refreshing to see the world through your eyes. We make daily escapes to fantastic worlds filled with imaginary creatures. Life is better, more beautiful and more peaceful with my daughter in it. ”

Change for the better?

The fears of Palmer fans about his change were certainly not unfounded. But will the change be for better or for worse? Will his capacity as an artist suffer?

Poet and novelist Finuala Dowling believes Palmer has nothing to fear. She maintains that motherhood inspired her to become a writer. “I discovered that my writing ambitions only gained clarity after I got pregnant. I suddenly realized that I had wasted a decade wishing I could be a writer but producing very little beyond two failed novels and a few stories. In 1993, I sat down with my belly growing and, with an almost overwhelming feeling that time was running out, I wrote an award-winning story. Later, knowing that my daughter was waking up early, I would wake up even earlier to write the chapters for what would become my first novel. I think being a mother teaches you how to use all the time you have available. “

Dutch researchers recently proved that during pregnancy, fetal cells enter and spread throughout the mother’s body. Called “microchimerism”, it is the presence of cells “with a different genetic makeup” in your body. The researchers collected samples from 26 pregnant women with sons and found the presence of Y chromosomes in each of them.

This is solid proof that after becoming a mom, you are no longer the same person. It’s Palmer’s choice if she becomes a “boring, irrelevant, ignorable artist” and someone who is incapable of having intelligent conversation. The inevitable fact, however, is that pregnancy, birth, and parenthood will have changed her profoundly.

Change is difficult. Here are our favorite products for all growing pains.

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After growing a baby and giving birth, you accomplished a lot, mom. And trying to heal while feeding and caring for your new baby is 24 hour work. So finding your balance in your new role may not include having sex, even long after the “green light” is given. »6 weeks from your doctor or midwife. You might feel good about it (after all, you have to adapt to a lot of things), but you might also be thinking, “No. I’m not going. I don’t want to … What is wrong with me?“* Sigh. *

There is nothing wrong with you, mom. Having a low libido during a postpartum period is a normal evolutionary adaptive response designed to ensure that you survive to continue to reproduce.

Here’s why so many new moms have low sex drive after childbirth.

You’re probably too tired to have sex, but also too hormonal to want to.

You are probably exhausted. Maybe you are feeling bad and sex is not pleasurable right now. Maybe you are worried about the changes in your body or that you are getting pregnant again. Or maybe you just get touched and feel like the only thing you have control over is your body.

But beneath all of these perfectly legitimate reasons, there is a raging and dwindling stream of hormones that have an even more powerful impact on your libido.

When you are pregnant, the levels of your reproductive hormones are sometimes 1000 times higher than when you are not pregnant. And once you give birth, these hormones drop to the level of menopause. The resulting low estrogen level can cause uncomfortable vaginal dryness, especially if you are breastfeeding, and loss of sex drive.

This is how evolution ensures that you “don’t want it” while you heal and invest your energy in keeping your new baby alive before you start working on the next one.

You are fulfilled in other ways.

Oxytocin is the binding hormone released when you hug, have sex, and breastfeed. Before birth, touching your partner triggers the release of oxytocin which helps you feel good and bond with each other. But after giving birth, with all the cuddling and feeding, “the mother ends up getting her oxytocin from her child,” says clinical sex therapist Dr. Kat Van Kirk. “This transfer of emotional energy is believed to decrease sexual desire and increase responsiveness to infant stimuli in postpartum women by activating regions of the brain associated with reward.”

Whether breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, skin-to-skin contact between you and baby increases the release of oxytocin, which creates bonds between you and baby, ensuring that you will take care of them and that they will survive.

The hormone prolactin also plays an important role in maternal behavior. Prolactin makes your breasts bigger during pregnancy and prepares them for starting milk production after birth. This hormone helps you relax while you are breastfeeding, but it also lowers your sex drive. Once again, it’s biology that makes sure you stay focused on the biological investment you just made in your baby.

Your partner may also be affected by low libido.

Although the research is still preliminary, it is believed that high prolactin levels in new dads induce babysitting behavior, just like in moms, while reducing testosterone levels after birth.

Studies have shown that the more fathers interact with their babies, the more their testosterone levels drop, which lowers libido and forces them to focus less on the desire to have sex and more on the desire to feed. This helps ensure that dads invest more energy in parenting than in making a new baby, while also helping them relax and enjoy their newborn baby.

Breastfeeding can decrease libido.

Not wanting to have sex after childbirth is perfectly normal, and in any case, it’s temporary, especially if you’re breastfeeding. In a study published in the journal Obstetrics and Gynecology, the researchers found a significant decrease in fatigue, an improvement in mood, and an increase in sexual activity, feelings and frequency within four weeks of stopping breastfeeding, once the hormones return to pre-pregnancy levels.

When to start having sex after childbirth is up to you.

Even after you have been medically cleared to have sex, it may take some time before you feel like having sex again, and it’s okay to wait. . However, when the time is right for you and your desire for sex has returned, you may still have concerns about how to get things done. Here are some tips to help you restart your post-baby sex life:

• Set aside time as a couple. Take the time to be alone to remind yourself that you are still in a relationship, even after you become parents.
• Be honest with each other. Talk about your physical changes, how it might feel like having sex or being intimate now, and anything else that might worry you.
• To get closer. Look for other ways to express your affection as you prepare to have sex. Spend time being close to each other, kissing and cuddling, without the pressure.
• Use lubrication. When you’re ready, using a lubricant can fight vaginal dryness and make sex more pleasurable.
• Get in touch with yourself, first. Rediscovering your body and what makes you feel good on its own is an important step in regaining intimacy with a postpartum partner. Check out the toys from our friends at Dame Products below for inspiration.

At the end of the line : You are not alone if you do not have the desire for postpartum sex. And like many other things that can be difficult about pregnancy and the postpartum period, it will pass. But for now, low libido is probably just a development in securing your reproductive success – protecting the huge physical and emotional investment you’ve already made and securing your and your baby’s survival so that you can pass on your benefits. genes to future generations. Pretty powerful stuff.

Editor’s Note: Other medical conditions may be contributing to your lack of desire. And it is important not to confuse the lack of sexual desire with postpartum depression. So watch out for signs and symptoms, such as severe mood swings, loss of appetite, overwhelming fatigue, and lack of interest or joy in the things that are important to you. If you think you have postpartum depression, contact your health care provider for prompt treatment and recovery. Painful intercourse should also be evaluated by a doctor, midwife, and pelvic floor physiotherapist.

If you’re hoping to make things better, or just looking to take some time with yourself, explore Dame Products’ vulva-approved options. As a female-owned sex toy company, their mission is to cultivate pleasure and we are here for it. Motherly readers can save 15% on Dame products with the code MOTHERLY.

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Do you dream of your perfect nursery? Creating a safe, functional, and most importantly, fun environment for parents and baby can be tricky. It is the very first place to design and decorate for your child. Here they will play, how and learn. This is the place you want to be the most beautiful and the most comfortable. The design of the nursery is one of the most important aspects when it comes to your home. But, with so many ideas available for nursery designs, how do you know where to start?

Here are some design tips and ideas that will help you find the perfect nursery design.

Modern nursery design

A contemporary nursery is perfect for those who want a space that doesn’t feel too stuffy or traditional. The clean lines and colors will make your little one feel like they’re in the middle of nature, which many parents find a great way to inspire creativity. The modern-inspired idea is perfect if you are looking for a more contemporary look that will grow with your child as they grow older. A monochrome color palette, bold geometric patterns, wool rugs, and modern furniture create a timeless design. Plus, the design is relatively easy to change as your child grows up, so you won’t have to worry about feeling like the design is out of fashion.

Traditional nursery design

A traditionally inspired nursery is perfect for those who don’t want their home to be too contemporary or modern. The soft and restful color palette will make it an ideal place to relax for you and your child. A traditionally designed nursery is also perfect for those who want their interior design to harmonize with other spaces in their home, or if you are looking for something that will grow with your baby.

Nursery inspiration

When it comes to nursery inspiration, you can find plenty of ideas on Pinterest or Houzz. You’ll want to look at nurseries in different styles: contemporary, rustic, and traditional, but keep the style of your home decor in mind. Also, you can mix two or three design styles to personalize the room.

Color scheme for the nursery

Whether modern or traditional in style, colors can play a big part in the look and feel of your nursery. If you’re going for modern, try light tones like gray, white, or pale pink. For traditional pieces, go for soft colors like purple, green, or blue, but avoid yellow unless it’s used sparingly as an accent color. Also, try using soft eye shades. Harsh colors are not good for a baby’s eyes.

Wall design in the nursery

A room without walls is not ideal – so you will need to paint, wallpaper, or add decals (stickers) to create a different look for your nursery. Wallpaper can look especially good when used as an accent piece on a room wall or on the ceiling. Decals can be a great way to incorporate more detail when you’re short on time and don’t want to spend hours repainting your walls in intricate detail.

Keep it simple!

Designing your nursery is a time consuming task that requires more attention. You need to decide on the colors, furnishings, and layout of your nursery to feel proud. It is important not to put too much pressure on yourself as it may cause you more stress than you need to. Simple decor will also keep the room more open for your youngster to grow and change. You can also use what you have around the house or refinish old furniture to match your new nursery theme. You want this space to be comfortable, safe, and welcoming for any visiting family member.

Nursery rugs

A soft and comfortable floor is a must for your baby. Carpets should be soft and durable. When choosing Chobi rugs, make sure they match the design of the room or complement its other features. In addition, a mat on the floor will make the play time more enjoyable for you and your baby. Also, while choosing rugs for your children, try to go for a soft, safe and easy to clean rug.

Nursery curtains

Nursery curtains should be soft and inviting to your baby’s touch, and easy to pull back in the event of a mess or sudden accident. The colors on the fabric can also coordinate with other elements in the room, such as crib sheets, toys, wall decorations, etc. For example, floral patterned curtains can also coordinate well with crib sheets and wall decorations.

Less furniture

It is best to limit the number of items in the nursery as much as possible to make it easier and safer for your baby to play and explore. If you need furniture or other items, try to buy an open-ended toy that can grow with your child, so that he or she gets the most out of it.

Baby room dimensions

The typical dimension of a nursery will be approximately 12 feet by 14 feet. However, the size of your nursery will largely be determined by the amount and type of furniture you find there. Don’t choose a room that is too big or too small for your baby to play.

Nursery color theme

The best way to choose a nursery color theme is to look at the colors of clothes you already own or items from home decor stores, such as curtains and linens. You can then combine them with contrasting shades of paint on the walls for accent pieces throughout the room.

Nursery lights

You will need a different variety of light sources in each part of the room for reading with the baby at night, preparing meals during the day, or keeping an eye on the child while you do household chores. Likewise, to make your nursery extra special, choose some fun decor pieces and lots of plush toys. Often a family sets out to design their nursery for the baby with only one or two of these light sources in mind while neglecting others that may be important once they have the baby on hand. . Additionally, the crib should be out of direct sunlight and provide a full view of the space, including a view of your favorite piece of art.

Conclude

Designing the nursery of your dreams doesn’t have to be an expensive or tedious process. With these tips, you can turn any spare bedroom in your home into the perfect space for you and your newcomer! In addition, it is necessary to make the child’s room comfortable and safe. If you are looking for ziegler rugs to make the floor comfortable, RugKnots has a range of options for child friendly rugs that will make the search process much easier. Visit their website to start your purchase today!

Throughout the long months in lockdown we’ve had a lot of ups and downs, but one thing has been a constant source of joy.

Ikea’s Instagram has been a source of inspiration and excitement for those who can’t wait to start redecorating their homes and welcoming their friends and family inside.

However, in addition to the usual praise, customers had less than complementary things to say about Ikea’s post.

Ikea’s latest baby room post sent some shoppers back in time, as they fondly recalled the years they spent in rooms filled with teddy bears and rocking chairs . One customer said: “This is my Inspo nursery, it turns out I need a trip to IKEA after all.”

Another user said: “look at the shelves with the dolls in [heart eyed emoji]. “

This was then followed by a flood of comments saying “cute”, “charming” and “beautiful”. It wasn’t just smiles and hearts, Ikea’s Instagram page has over a million followers and they all came out in force to voice their concerns.

The caption read: “We have a huge crush on” @thismummystory’s lovely nursery and her feelings for welcoming a little human.

“There are really two worlds that aren’t there … how they weren’t always cradled in our arms.”

Buyers were quick to point out that Ikea did not offer delivery for the amazing products on display.

Another said: “I wish you could deliver [crying emoji]. “

The store delivers, but costs can vary, which means you might be better off shopping in the store.

If there’s one thing that’s for sure, it’s that Ikea will always have something exciting about their website that will get shoppers to spend some extra cash.

However, whether or not they will be able to get their hands on it seems like a whole other question.

Zeinab Harake and Skusta Clee (Daryl ruiz) are expecting their first baby together and they couldn’t be more thrilled. The couple have been busy preparing for the arrival of their precious daughter. In fact, Zeinab just gave a tour of Bia’s baby room and the whole room is fit for a princess. She turned to the interior designer and stylist She Uy for a little help, describing the vibe as very “princess garden”.

One of our favorite things about this nursery is the fact that Daryl created a logo for Bia’s name, which is incorporated into the design of the wallpaper.

On the main wall, we see a painting of Zeinab’s mother.

And near the door, there’s a mini tea party going on. We can just imagine how many playdates they’ll have here.

The whole room is filled with white and blush furniture and gold accents.

There is also a single sofa bed right next to Bia’s cradle. We assume that the proud parents will take turns spending time with their cute little baby there.

Zeinab also included many wreath designs in the piece, like this piece of art:

And the baby’s mobile also has small flowers, butterflies and wreaths:

Watch Zeinab Harake’s Nursery Tour below:

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